Apparently distance makes the heart grow fonder. I call bullshit. Never once have I been away from a loved one and thought the heart wrenching pain was worth it. In fact if anything it ruined me, broke me down emotionally. I wouldn’t say I am a stronger person because I have had distance between me and my loved ones. I have never cried more than when I was hours away from my family. I hate distance, I love being around those I love, it builds me up, makes me stronger. So when I am isolated from everyone I care about I become a shell of the person I am. Maybe I am weak, maybe I struggle to control my emotion. Maybe I am just overly sensitive but this is who I am, this is what breaks me more than anything else.
Everyone says that it will be fine and that love remains no matter what is placed between them. How many times do you hear of couples splitting because they work apart and it is too much for them to handle. All too often is the answer. Now following the logic of distance makes the heart grow fonder, shouldn’t these couples be more in love than ever? This just isn’t the case. Love exists through the interactions between two people. Now yes with social media this is still possible to some extent. But facetime can’t replace the feeling of that person’s hand in yours or the way they curl up next to you when they sleep. These things mean more to me than a text or a call. These are the things that are personal and to me these things are love. When I went away to uni I was a wreck, I craved my mum’s hugs and motivational talks. I facetimed her once a week and honestly that just made me feel worse. It was so close to the interaction I craved but missing the vital components.
Right now I am experiencing this more than ever. It feels like someone has torn out my organs and replaced them with bricks. All I keep getting told is it will all be over soon and that trust is so important. Yes I understand this but longing can feel like a lifetime. Trust for me is only and issue with the people in this situation I very strongly dislike. The individual who means the most in the world to me I would trust with my life. Those I have spoke to don’t seem to understand this. They think I am afraid, afraid of losing those I love. Maybe I am, maybe I struggle to accept this. But for reasons no one else will ever understand I will continue to feel this way until the distance is no more.